How to Choose a Cocktail on a New Menu
Newsletter #2 - So you're faced with a new cocktail menu. Decisions, decisions....
Hello. If you’re receiving this item via email, you subscribed to my newsletter, which launched last week. Thank you so much! It’s good to have you here. It’s been a lot of fun sharing stories and recipes. This week, there’ll be more drink recipes and conversation and even some talk of food, and maybe some audio and video if I can figure that out. Going forward, you’ll get what I call the “Newsletter” on Mondays. (There will be plenty of other kinds of posts throughout the week.) This cornerstone piece will take many forms and cover many topics. This Monday, I’m going to talk about something I do a lot—looking at a menu and trying to figure out what to order.
Choosing a drink from a new menu can be one of the most daunting experiences a dedicated cocktail drinker can face.
And, thanks to the large number of craft cocktail bars there are now, all producing original drinks at a breathless clip—as well as their habit of flipping their menu three or four times a years—it’s a challenge drinkers face on a regular basis. This can present a dilemma. How does one choose wisely from a list of twelve unfamiliar potions with the best chance of not drawing a loser? It’s a particularly important skill to develop when one only has the money—and capacity--for two or three cocktails a visit. (One can, of course, always bypass the menu, play it safe and call for a Negroni or Old-Fashioned, but where’s the adventure in that?)
As a professional drinker (so to speak), I’ve wrestled with my share of fresh cocktails menus and developed some rules of thumb along the way that help me cut through the eye-crossing sea of ingredients and comical cocktail names. I’ve collected them below. As a practical illustration, I’m using the cat-themed cocktail menu that dropped recently at the Brooklyn bar Grand Army, which I’ve had to pleasure to spend a few evenings with. But the rules apply to any new cocktail menu you might encounter.
1. First Is Best. If you’re pressed for time and need to make a quick decision, order the cocktail at the top of the list. There are reasons the beverage director put it there: they think it’s good, or will be popular, or both. Topping the list at Grand Army is Mayor of Talkeetna, a Martini twist made of gin, blanc vermouth, dry vermouth, carrot eau de vie with Chartreuse. It’s the best cocktail on the menu.
2. Find Your Poison. If you’re a vodka drinker, look for a cocktail whose ingredient list begins with that spirit. Same with Bourbon, Tequila or what have you. If there are several vodka drinks, review the additional ingredients and order the mixture that sounds most appealing to your tastes.
3. Process of Elimination. Everyone has a flavor or two they can’t stand. (With me, it’s coconut, believe it or not.) Locate the drinks that contain your taste buds’ nemesis and knock them out of contention. Your choice just got easier!
4. Look for the Familiar. Like Manhattans? Or Negronis? Or Martinis? There’s usually one variation of each of those classics on every menu, masquerading under another name. I guarantee it. Most new cocktails are simply riffs on existing models. The Negroni on Grand Army’s cat menu is Hamilton the Hipster, made of gin, blanco vermouth, Cynar and grapefruit zest. (Recipe below.)
5. Consider Your Appetite. Did you just start out a night of drinking? Then, begin with something light; look for a highball or spritz-style drink. Feeling full? Avoid drinks with dairy or eggs. Looking for your nitecap? Avoid potentially stomach-churning sours.
6. Too Much of Something Is Not a Good Thing. If a cocktail’s ingredient list exceeds seven items, pass it by. A long laundry list is often a sign of a bartender throwing too many fixes at a drink that wasn’t working in the first place. (Tiki drinks, which frequently have many components, are the exception to this rule.)
7. Get Specifics. Many bars simplify the ingredient tally of a cocktail on a menu, so as to not overly confuse the customer. This is not always as helpful as the bars think. When a drink says it contains “amaro” or “bitters” or “vermouth,” ask what kind or brand. The answer may help you decide if you’d like that drink or not.
8. Up or On the Rocks. Ask how the cocktail is served, if the menu doesn’t say so. Ordering what you think is a rocks drink and getting something served in a coupe can be an upsetting experience.
9. Go With the Crowd…Or Not. Every menu has an easy-peasy cocktail meant to appeal to a broad audience. Usually, it’s a highball or spritz; frequently it’s made with vodka. If you’re feeling like a joiner, then go for it. If you’re looking for something more, move on.
10. Ask a Stupid Question… Don’t ask the bartender obvious questions like “What’s best?” or “What do you like?” They’ve heard that a million times before and they will become less helpful, not more. Be specific and curious in your questions.
11. Bartender’s Choice. Ask the bartender on duty if they personally created any of the cocktails on the list. If they did, order that drink. Even if it may not be exactly the cocktail you were in the mood for, you’re going to get the very best version of it. This happened to me one night when Ally Marone, the author of Towser the Mouser, was working at Grand Army. If she hadn’t been working, I would have not ordered the heavy-going combination of Irish whisky, Speyside single malt Scotch, amontillado Sherry, Method sweet vermouth, noncino, and Drambuie. But she was, and I’m glad I caught that mouse. (Recipe below.)
12. Dare Accepted. If you are feeling adventurous and see a collection of ingredients that seems too improbable to work, order that cocktail. If nothing else, you’ll probably end up tasting something you never have before. The drink that fit this bill on the cat menu was the Delilah Mercury, made of Aquavit, pear brandy, genepy, lime, mint and absinthe. It didn’t disappoint. It was odd and it was good.
Here are a couple of the recipes for cocktails from the cat-themed menu at Grand Army. The first is a winter Negroni riff and the second is a variation on the Bobby Burns cocktail.
Hamilton the Hipster
Ally Marone, Grand Army, Brooklyn, 2021
3/4 ounce Ford’s Gin
3/4 ounce Mulassano Vermouth Bianco
3/4 ounce Cardamaro
1/2 ounce Cynar
Grapefruit twist for garnish
Combine liquid ingredients in a mixing glass half-filled with ice. Stir until chilled. Strain into double rocks glass filled with ice. Express grapefruit twist over twist and slip inside glass.
Towser the Mouser
Ally Marone, Grand Army, Brooklyn, 2021
1 1/2 ounce Power’s Gold
1/2 ounce Amontillado Sherry
1/2 ounce Method Sweet Vermouth
1/2 ounce Balvenie 14
1/4 ounce Drambuie
1 tsp Nocino Walnut
Orange twist for garnish
Combine liquid ingredients in a mixing glass half-filled with ice. Stir until chilled. Strain into chilled Nick & Nora glass. Express orange twist over the surface of the drink and discard.
The Mayor of Talkeetna sounds amazing. Any guesses on specs? 2:1 and chartreuse spritz/rinse? Love The Mix! I'm reading the back posts to chat up.
Excellent suggestions all around! I agree that the first cocktail on the list is always the biggest seller, and when I write a menu I compare it to the first song on a LP…hit ‘em hard right off the bat and get them involved. But I’ve also have found the the last drink on a menu is often the second bestseller in the bar. So I always put a potential fan favorite there. In the musical analogy, I’ve always tried to make a strong statement at the end of a record I’m producing, as well.